[00:00:00] Deanna Kitchen: Scientists have been able to prove that kindness is contagious. When you experience an act of kindness, whether you're a participant in it or you even just see it or hear about it, your brain lights up in ways that make you more likely to think, feel and act kindly yourself. Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can, and I really think that's how we all in our own way are going to change the world.
[00:00:31] Deanna Kitchen: Hey friend. Welcome to the Growing Kindness Podcast. I'm your host Deanna Kitchen, founder of the Growing Kindness Movement. This is a place where we grow together, learning to root our lives in kindness, connection, and community. If you've ever wished the world felt a little softer, a little more neighborly, or if you're craving stories that remind you that goodness still grows, you're in the right place.
[00:00:52] Deanna Kitchen: Together with our guests, we'll share stories of generosity and community proof that even the smallest acts of kindness from growing and giving kept flowers. To everyday acts of care can change lives and connect us in powerful ways. I'm so glad you're here. Let's get started. I have been dreaming about starting this podcast for so many years, and yet, as the reality of it actually launching Drew closer, as we put the actual launch date on the calendar, I started doubting myself completely.
[00:01:26] Deanna Kitchen: And this question just kept coming up. Like, who do I think I am launching a podcast about kindness. And the more I thought about it, the more I doubted myself and as if on cue my brain hopefully proceeded to roll out a montage of every moment that I have ever been unkind, every time I had a short answer every time.
[00:01:52] Deanna Kitchen: I could have taken action and done something to be helpful to another every time I wasn't patient, when I could have been. Every experience, every interaction kept coming up and I just kept thinking, how am I qualified to do this? How am I qualified to show up in this space? And. Talk about what kindness is and the importance of kindness and help to bring other people's stories of kindness to the spotlight.
[00:02:23] Deanna Kitchen: How am I supposed to do that week after week? And then, I don't know, it just brought me to this thought of, what if we all thought we were kindness imposters? What if after any moment of unkindness in our lives. We gave up on believing that we were kind people or that we could become kinder people or that our kindness could make a difference.
[00:02:47] Deanna Kitchen: Thankfully, somewhere in the back of my brain, quote kicked up that I've always loved, and it's that we are made kind by being kind. 'cause kindness is a practice. None of us get it right every chance we get. We all have moments that we wish we could go back and do it over again. Times where we wish we could have been paying attention, where we could have acted with more gentleness, where we could have been more gracious or more supportive, or less critical times when we could have chosen to be more helpful.
[00:03:22] Deanna Kitchen: But here's the thing, we don't get to go back. We actually get something better. We get to go forward. And that's the beauty of kindness being a practice. It's not a pass fail test and we get one chance to get it right and if we don't, we're like stuck on the bench for the rest of our lives, forever sidelined from becoming the kind person that we wanna be.
[00:03:43] Deanna Kitchen: Kindness is, it's a muscle that we build. It happens one kind word and one kind eat at a time. It's an awareness that we get to tune into every time we listen in and notice another's need and respond. It's a habit that we create through one small thought and one small action at a time. Kindness is a practice.
[00:04:05] Deanna Kitchen: And so this is me showing up with you here today and hopefully moving forward in the weeks afterwards, holding and deeply trusting that when we commit to a practice of kindness, a habit of kindness, a purpose for kindness, we're going to grow in it. We're gonna become kinder people, and because of that, leave the world a little kinder.
[00:04:28] Deanna Kitchen: We're not gonna do it perfectly, and there will definitely be lots of messy opportunities for growth along the way, but every day and every week, we get the chance to keep growing our practice of kindness, and that is what this podcast is all about. I wanted to take the chance in this first episode to share my story with you, how it ended up here, sharing this time with you here on this podcast.
[00:04:54] Deanna Kitchen: And leading a nonprofit organization that is just filled with the most incredible people called the growing kindness movement. Like so many people's stories, mine has its share of unexpected twists and turns, and it circles back. And some of the most beautiful ways that I never could have imagined. Okay, so if we're gonna begin at the beginning, I suppose that we need to go all the way back to the beginning.
[00:05:19] Deanna Kitchen: So I was born and raised in a tiny one stoplight town thanks to Twilight. You actually probably have heard of this town now. It's called Forks. It's in Washington, out in the far upper Pacific Northwest. I was born and raised. Thinking that it was perfectly normal that you talked to every cashier and clerk and knew them by name.
[00:05:43] Deanna Kitchen: I thought that driving down the road was both an exercise in kindness and forearm strength because you always waved at every single person that you passed, and you likely knew all of them. I don't know if it was purely nurture or if it was maybe already in my nature. But that little town taught me the power of community, of being seen and known and just having this deep sense of belonging.
[00:06:12] Deanna Kitchen: I was lucky enough to be born into a family of people who loved each other big, even though we had very little, it actually wasn't even until I was in college and a course where we were taking an assessment to recognize it was called the Frameworks of Poverty. And it dawned on me after I completed the quiz.
[00:06:32] Deanna Kitchen: That we'd been like certifiably poor growing up, but I had no idea. I was, and maybe that was partly because most of the other kids in our small town also were hand-me-downs and got lunch assistance and were in the same situation that we were. But what I do know is that growing up without a lot of resources, you learn to make.
[00:06:56] Deanna Kitchen: The best of what you have and you learn to make do with what you have. And that was a really huge part of why I'm here today. I often quote, it's a quote from Arthur Ashe, it's one of my favorite quotes in the world. And he says, start where you are. Use what you have, do what you can. And I really think that's how we all in our own way are going to change the world.
[00:07:22] Deanna Kitchen: And I look back at growing up with. Uh, limited resources and realized that's where I learned it. I learned it from my parents who were just incredibly resourceful and they made the most of what we had, and they taught us to do the same. And so when I was 11, I had saved up enough money to buy my own pony.
[00:07:44] Deanna Kitchen: I was the horse crazy kid all, all the way through college. But what the experience of growing up with limited resources taught me was that. It really was true that if you had a dream, if you had a goal and you worked with what you had, you really could make it happen and bring it to life. And maybe in a way that's why.
[00:08:07] Deanna Kitchen: The growing kindness movement even exists is from that idea and that attitude being instilled in me at a very young age. And so I grew up and moved away and went to college, thank goodness for scholarships and student loans, and I graduated with a degree in elementary education. By this time I was married to Shane, my high school sweetheart, who by the way, has been the biggest supporter and cheerleader for growing kindness from day one and straight out of college, I got my first job teaching kindergarten, and so for four years I just completely immersed myself in that world and just ate, slept, and breathed everything teaching, and I adored.
[00:08:54] Deanna Kitchen: My classroom and I adored the community that I built in the schools where I taught. And then we opened the door to a new chapter of our lives and we found out we were going to be having our first child. We were at a place at that point in time where we had the privilege that I could make the decision to step back from my teaching position and stay home with our little boy.
[00:09:19] Deanna Kitchen: And so I did that for a while and then for two and a half years. I taught half day kindergarten, and then we welcomed another little boy to our family, Emmett. It was at that point where I made the decision to give up my teaching position to stay home full time, and I loved being able to be present and be with our little guys, and I also struggled mightily with postpartum depression at that point in my life, and I was so good.
[00:09:52] Deanna Kitchen: At masking it and pretending like I was okay, but it was a season when I just was struggling and I felt so disconnected from myself and like the creative. Aspect of teaching and the community aspect of it. It's ironic that at this time I had actually, I was brand new to social media. Hello Facebook, and I had hundreds of friends, and yet I felt lonelier than ever, and it was in the season of my life that something pivotal happened for me and.
[00:10:32] Deanna Kitchen: I learned to just start going outside during nap time, put the baby monitor on my hip and I would get out and get my hands in the dirt and at my face in the sun. And I know it always sounds so cliche when we throw around the words life changing, but it was really life changing for me in that season especially.
[00:10:53] Deanna Kitchen: And I just, I found rest and joy in nurturing a garden. And it was then that I grew my first cut flower garden and. Just the way that things lined up and because there was very few seeds available at the hardware store, I ended up planting sweet peas and they grew abundantly. I had more than enough sweet peas that I could ever enjoy on my own, and so I decided to share them.
[00:11:19] Deanna Kitchen: And so I took all these short little sweet pea stems and tuck them into glass baby food jars that had been washed and upcycled, and with my shoebox full. Of Sweet Peas with a Rollie ply little baby on one hip, and with my little toddler hanging on. Well, he wasn't proud. Toddler, I guess preschooler or I don't know, whatever age that is.
[00:11:43] Deanna Kitchen: Two, almost three. Eli hanging onto my purse strap as we walked in together to the long-term care home in our community. And I was so nervous walking in. I don't know why. I think it just feels hard. To be seen sometimes and I think sometimes it feels hard to step out of our comfort zone and and reach out to others.
[00:12:09] Deanna Kitchen: But we walked in with full hands and we left with an empty box and an absolutely overflowing hard, and it was in that moment that I realized that growing a garden nurtured me. But then using what I'd grown in that garden to reach out to other people, gave me something that I never, ever would've expected.
[00:12:33] Deanna Kitchen: And it opened doors to the sweetest, most meaningful conversations. And I don't think I would have been brave enough to walk through the doors of that long-term care home had I not had the flowers in my hand. And it just, it became such a pivotal moment for me to recognize the power. Of giving. And Frank once said, no one ever became poor by giving.
[00:13:00] Deanna Kitchen: And it was an experience that I got to enjoy so fully and deeply and, and recognizing that in giving, I was receiving so much more this sense of just connection and community that I. Had been missing and longing for. So I kept gardening and kept giving. And flash forward another two years and one more precious little boy.
[00:13:26] Deanna Kitchen: Jasper joined our family and we were able to bring a long held dream to fruition when we bought our 10 acre farm. And the goal was to have a place that was home and a place for our kids to get to grow up. And also there was a goal in the dream too, of being able to grow even more flowers. And that is exactly what I did.
[00:13:51] Deanna Kitchen: And my first year growing, I made pretty much every mistake possible. And yet in the way that things always do, they have a way of working out. I went from growing five dahlias to 500 dahlias that year. And then we didn't just have enough to share VAEs of flowers. We had enough to share buckets and buckets.
[00:14:14] Deanna Kitchen: And so I would go with the boys to long-term care and I would harvest buckets of flowers, and we would load them up in our little red radio flyer wagon and tow it through long-term care. And it's a memory that I. Will forever hold in my heart. It was just such a beautiful experience to be able to give and give in a way that brought so much joy to others, and to have our children be a part of that giving and help them see the power of small acts of kindness.
[00:14:52] Deanna Kitchen: And I don't mean to say that it was easy, it was uncomfortable for me, you know, in the beginning to be able to reach out to people. And it was especially uncomfortable for our kids at such a huge skill to learn how to reach out and help out. And we learned together and we did it together and over and over.
[00:15:15] Deanna Kitchen: We would walk in with full buckets and walk out with just an overflowing heart, just filled with joy. And that summer of giving two things really stayed with me. Two experiences that helped me see things in a new way, and one was. As we were giving flowers one afternoon, we would always go around four o'clock, which is dinnertime, and that way we could meet residents in the cafeteria as they were gathering for dinner at four o'clock one afternoon slash dinnertime while we were there.
[00:15:50] Deanna Kitchen: We were just finishing giving out flowers. There was an older gentleman who I was gifting a bouquet of flowers to, and I had knelt down beside his wheelchair so I could be more eye to eye and converse with him. Oh, I'll always remember this exactly. And he shared something that made such a huge impression on me, and he said, I wish that everyone like me.
[00:16:14] Deanna Kitchen: And he meant people who were in the isolation of long-term care. Could get to experience this and it just, it planted such a seed in my heart. We were one little family with one little wagon, and we could only reach so far, and that stayed with me. And then later there was another experience after we had finished gifting flowers.
[00:16:41] Deanna Kitchen: There was a woman there in the cafeteria and she walked up and she said, I just have to thank you. And the thing was, we hadn't given her flowers and I, so I was a little bit baffled at first and she said, we, I just have to thank you because getting to watch this made my day. And what it made me realize is that not only the giver and the receiver of an act of kindness.
[00:17:09] Deanna Kitchen: Get to experience the joy of it, but everyone else who gets to witness it, gets to experience the joy as well. And so that gave me the courage to start sharing more of our story and more of what we were doing and, and planted this seed for this idea that kindness can ripple out so far beyond just the giver and receiver, but also through the story.
[00:17:37] Deanna Kitchen: And so the next spring, as I was pondering these things over, I was standing in our barn dividing hundreds and hundreds of Dahlia tubers. Remember we planted 500 and I realized that I was holding. The key to this question that I've been pondering over and over is how can we bring this to more people?
[00:18:00] Deanna Kitchen: How can we get more people involved? How can we help there be bigger ripples of kindness? And so that spring we opened up our farm and we invited anyone in our community who wanted to make a commitment to grow and give flowers as an act of kindness. To come to our farm and we would give them free Dahlia tubers to help them be able to have flowers to grow and give.
[00:18:25] Deanna Kitchen: And so we gave out hundreds and hundreds of Dahlia tubers, and that summer, thousands and thousands of blooms across the Pacific Northwest were given as acts of kindness. And it was at that time we started calling it growing kindness. And the next year I had less dahlias because if anyone listening has grown dahlias, you know how some winters go.
[00:18:49] Deanna Kitchen: I had a lot less dahlias to give, but I also recognized there was a lot more opportunity to connect and support with people. And so we invited a team of people and we had 30 people who we called growing kindness ambassadors, and they joined us from all around the Pacific Northwest and we shared Dahlia tubers with them, but also.
[00:19:08] Deanna Kitchen: Education and support and encouragement to help them get out and plant their garden or plant a bigger garden and be able to. Actively and intentionally give flowers of acts of kindness. And at the same time, again, I was sharing the story of how this was unfolding on social media and people started reaching out and asking if they could join remotely.
[00:19:31] Deanna Kitchen: And that was when the growing Kindness Gardener role was born. It was a way for us to be able to share. The mission behind what we were doing and some education and digital resources to help people get started. And it started out with a Google doc, a friend help me, and people signed up and they got the resources and the ripples have kind of started spreading farther and farther and farther.
[00:19:58] Deanna Kitchen: And pretty soon we had people who had joined from all corners of the world. And even though it started with our little family and our story, it's really been because of the people who've came and walked alongside and helped me to grow this that has brought it so it so growing kindness might have started with our little farm and our radio fire wagon and us sharing our story.
[00:20:29] Deanna Kitchen: But really it's grown to be what it has been today, a global movement because of every single person who's came and walked along beside me and helping me to learn how to grow this and do this as an organization. And every single person who's came. And joined us and joined the movement and started growing and giving flowers as acts of kindness in their community.
[00:20:57] Deanna Kitchen: And it is because of them that growing kindness has continued to grow. Their stories are what fueled me to keep going. Mind you, this is a kindergarten teacher turned flower farmer. And stay at home mama with no marketing experience. No business education. No prior experience in knowing how to lead an organization, and it has been messy and real and hard, and the most beautiful experience to watch what happens when we plant a simple seed and invite others to join us and then just watch kindness, ripple out.
[00:21:47] Deanna Kitchen: So as the organization was growing quickly, we needed funding to be able to keep providing these resources to people to pay for shipping, to pay for the systems, to pay for all the things that happened behind the scenes to keep it going. And so we donated a hundred percent of the proceeds from our farm that year.
[00:22:07] Deanna Kitchen: To be able to launch a National Ambassador team. And in January of 2020, I had the privilege of launching the Growing Kindness Project as an official organization from the stage at the Teen Flower Conference in California. And it just, it was an absolute honor to get to invite even more people in to join us in this movement.
[00:22:33] Deanna Kitchen: So that was January of 2020. And then March, 2020 came along and the world as we knew it changed and what began as a hope and a dream and a mission for me to help people disconnect from devices and reconnect in their lives and get out into nature and reconnect in their communities. It had to completely pivot and shift as we became a digitally connected only world.
[00:23:03] Deanna Kitchen: And so we built an online community and platform where people could receive education and foster connections with people who were also growing and giving flowers in their community, and it became. Such a lifeline to so many and a time that was so dark and so hard. The response was incredible, but it started to become really clear at that time that even if I was donating all my time.
[00:23:34] Deanna Kitchen: To run the organization. Even if we were donating all the proceeds from our farm to maintain the organization, the movement was outgrowing what we could fund. And so it was at that point that we made the decision to become a nonprofit organization with the hope that, with support and help we could sustain and not only just sustain, but be able to reach even farther and help even more people.
[00:23:59] Deanna Kitchen: And so we kept muddling our way through and just doing the next thing. So we kept just taking each next step, and the learning curve was incredibly steep, but it's been because of the people who've come along and poured into growing kindness and lifted it up and helped carry it along, that we are becoming what we are today and it has been so worth every.
[00:24:28] Deanna Kitchen: Sleepless night, every late, late night, working every early morning, every tear shed, because there's been a lot of them and it has been worth every tear. I mean, people warned me going into it that started a non-profit organization is one of the hardest things you can do, and it has been, but it has also been absolutely the most worthwhile and beautiful thing to get to witness this unfold and begin to send ripples of kindness through the world.
[00:24:57] Deanna Kitchen: And it's been because of those people that we have kept going. Years and years ago during the World Wars people were struggling mightily. There was not only a shortage of food, but there was also a shortage of morale. And during that time, the Victory Garden was born, and you may have heard of it. The goal was that everybody could do something to make a difference.
[00:25:25] Deanna Kitchen: And that's what growing Kindness is doing. Today, we're facing a very different shortage. It's a shortage of kindness and connection. We're in a pandemic of loneliness, but a garden can still have the same results, and our team members who've joined from all around the world are growing gardens with the hope and purpose that.
[00:25:51] Deanna Kitchen: The flowers that come from those gardens will be a tool to be able to reach out and build bridges and foster meaningful connections in communities and all along the way. I've had the privilege of hearing our team member stories and hearing the ways that they figured out a way like Cat to grow a garden in her apartment parking lot so that she could have flowers to give and share in her community.
[00:26:20] Deanna Kitchen: And stories like Amy's who, along with her kids, built a flower cart that they keep at the end of their road to be able to gift flowers in their neighborhood. And stories like Robbie, who after. Suffering. Not only the loss of her husband had a catastrophic stroke and found hope and joy and purpose in healing and gardening and giving flowers.
[00:26:45] Deanna Kitchen: And so is like Kim, who takes weekly deliveries to the local children's hospital and Lori, who. Teaching her students the simple beauty of planting a seed and growing a flower and then reaching out and giving it to someone as an act of kindness, and I could go on and on here in this space. I have had the deep, deep privilege of getting to hear these stories and they were what fueled me to keep going.
[00:27:17] Deanna Kitchen: It was so evident that this simple thing of growing a flower. And using it to reach out and spread kindness, even though it was simple, it was really, really powerful and was having a big impact both in people's lives and in their communities. Recently I learned this new thing about kindness that I'd never heard before.
[00:27:38] Deanna Kitchen: It's called kindness priming. In short, scientists have been able to prove that kindness is contagious. But here's the really cool thing. It's not just an action, but it's actually a mindset. So when you experience an act of kindness, whether you are a participant in it. Or you even just see it or hear about it, your brain lights up in ways that make you more likely to think, feel, and act kindly yourself.
[00:28:11] Deanna Kitchen: It's not, not the coolest thing, so simply hearing about acts of kindness makes us more likely. To be kind and really, doesn't that just bring it all back to what we were talking about in the beginning, that none of us are really experts in kindness, but we are learners and we all are practicing together, and every time we hear about kindness, our capacity for kindness increases.
[00:28:39] Deanna Kitchen: That's why I'm here and that's why the Growing Kindness movement even exists, and it's why I'm so honored to get to share this podcast with you. Every story that you're going to hear, hear every guest who joins us. Everyone who listens in becomes a part of that practice of kindness. So because kindness is contagious, I can hope that this podcast can be one small part of your kindness practice.
[00:29:11] Deanna Kitchen: One thing that you can expect every episode here on this podcast is that we'll close our time together with a question for our guest, and that question is, what's one kind thing that someone once did for you? That you still carry with you and your heart today. I wanna leave you with mine today, A story of kindness that I will always carry in my heart.
[00:29:37] Deanna Kitchen: And it was a season when all three of our kiddos were really little. I was suffering deeply with postpartum depression. But not letting anybody in to know just how much I was struggling. And my husband was in a season with his career that was incredibly stressful and kept him at work a lot longer than either of us ever had dreamed or hoped.
[00:30:05] Deanna Kitchen: And it was just tough. And I remember going to Costco late one afternoon. It was almost dinnertime and just getting through, and I remember. For whatever reason makes me cry. I think of it. Um, I remember just having to fight back crying and just keep it together to just get through the store and get through the day, and I'd taken.
[00:30:34] Deanna Kitchen: I had taken the boys to the little Costco, I don't know what you call it, where you get pizza. It's not a deli, whatever it is. And we were sitting there with my full grocery cart and baby in the front and the wrap, and toddler and preschooler, and I just remember just feeling. Just exhausted and just thinking about how I still needed to get all the groceries unloaded into the car and the kids into the car seats, and then get home and get the kids unloaded and the groceries unloaded and, and bedtime, and I just felt.
[00:31:05] Deanna Kitchen: Just depleted and exhausted and overwhelmed, and it must have shown on my face. And I don't know if maybe in that moment it actually showed on my face because this mom, she had a bigger family and her kids were older. She came over to me and sh uh, we were just getting ready to go. I was getting the kids kind of bundled back up and she came over and she said, I'm gonna help you out to your car.
[00:31:32] Deanna Kitchen: And she had two boys out of those, that bunch of kids that were probably the age that my boys are now, and she asked them to help push the cart and she wouldn't take no for an answer. And she walked out with us and they helped load all the groceries in the car while I got the kids buckled into their car seats and the baby out of the front wrap and into his car seat and.
[00:31:58] Deanna Kitchen: I am sure that she probably doesn't remember doing that for me because she's probably the kind of the person who just looks out and does things whenever she sees a need, and I'm sure she has no idea how much of a difference it made that day. But also that it planted the seed for me for two things really, to know that there really is no such thing as a small act of kindness that we all have.
[00:32:30] Deanna Kitchen: The capacity and power to change somebody's day or even their life with just one kind gesture. And it also helped me as a mom of young boys, just to be so intentional and raising them to one day become young. Who would act and move and lead in their communities the way that those two young men did, and just jumping right in where they saw a need and being willing to respond.
[00:33:03] Deanna Kitchen: And so that is my. Small story of kindness that has had a profound impact in my life. So thanks for listening in. Thank you so much for listening to the Growing Kindness Podcast. It means the world that you take the time to be here every time you show up, every time you listen in, community grows. If today's episode encouraged you, there are few simple ways to keep growing kindness with us.
[00:33:26] Deanna Kitchen: First, you can join the team. When you become a growing kindness gardener, you link arms with like-minded like-hearted people from all around the world who believe that small acts of kindness really do make a big difference. As a gardener, you'll receive access to resources, inspiration, and connection to help you grow and give flowers is acts of kindness in your corner of the world.
[00:33:46] Deanna Kitchen: It's free you to join. Another way to get involved is to become a donor. This podcast is made possible by the generosity of our donors, kindhearted people who believe just like you, that stories of goodness are worth sharing. If you'd like to help us share more stories, just like today's visit growing kindness project.org/donate to make a gift and keep kindness blooming.
[00:34:07] Deanna Kitchen: We'd love to stay connected with you. You can sign up for our newsletter or find us on Instagram at Growing Kindness Project. We'd love to keep in touch and cheer you on as you grow kindness in your community. And finally. If this episode touched your heart, would you share it with a friend? It's one of the simplest ways to spread kindness today.
[00:34:24] Deanna Kitchen: I'm so grateful you're here. Until next time, keep growing kindness. One bloom at a time.
